Demented, Twisted and Beautiful

This is going to be my first official post, and I tried to decide which was the best way to start but I really don’t want this to be official in any way so I am just going to write completely off the dome.

Today is Labor day 2024 (September 2), and so that means I had a lot of time during my morning to just sit, think, and read. This is the time when most of my brain exploration is done. Today I watched a video on Marcus Aurelius, and the kind of man he was/what he stood for. Essentially everything that he stood for is what would be today defined as stoicism (He was one of the founding fathers of this school of thought). This video sent me on 2 different mental tracks that of course I pondered for the remainder of the day until right now, 7:33 PM, when I am writing this.

The first mental obstacle course I went on today was the idea of pleasure vs. happiness, which is a central pillar to the stoic’s life. Now this is an interesting idea that I think is touched on loosely in todays society but almost never applied. Let me define it very briefly. The idea of pleasure vs. happiness tries to wage war on the worldly pleasures that give you momentary happiness (an influx/rush of dopamine). This can look like one night stands/random casual sex, getting so high you cant move, gossiping, judging or making fun of someone, any of these and many more give you this influx of dopamine that can be addicting. Now I say this with grace because I don’t believe all of these things are inherently wrong by themselves. Here is the caution, if this becomes your lifestyle you are going to absolutely crush your ability to be content with your life. BECAUSE while all these things are not all wrong, and while all of these things do indeed make someone feel very good, there is no end. All of these “pleasure” desires do not end, you will always and forever be looking for the next girl, the next high and you will forever be trying to chase something that does not exist. The goal for me has always been peace, and if you do not share this goal don’t listen to this at all. But for me, peace comes from stability and pleasure desires end in chaos, which is the opposite of the goal of peace.

Now that being said I do believe in absolute balance of life, and that looks different for literally every person on the planet, so the real takeaway is that you must look completely inward to yourself to see what your goal is in life and see if the lifestyle you live aligns with said goal. Don’t forget to have fun though, especially for me at least, I struggle to let myself live in my current space because I am always worried about the implications my actions have on who I am as a human, and the implications it has on me becoming the man I want to be. Don’t be me, find your balance, I will also try to find mine.

If it seems like my writings contradict themselves a lot, that’s because they do and that is essentially the truest representation of my mind I can offer.

I am just now coming back to this a month later, and of course I do not remember the second mental track I went down that day so we will end it there.

Always keep in mind that these are my thoughts and are meant to be challenged. I am a 23 year old dumb dumb who is just trying to figure it out so these thoughts are potentially very far from the truth.

Never forget, that even through all the mess that is life, Life is beautiful in some twisted and demented way.